A visit to the paed

So Charlotte developed an interesting little cough a little over a week ago.  We paid it close attention to see if it progressed, checked her temp as neurotic parents to a micro would do and hoped it was nothing.  It was erratic and we couldn’t link it any other symptoms. And then she started refusing bottles, and mom started to panic, as she does.

After 3 days of progressive little coughing bouts and milk consumption halving in volume we opted to err on the side of caution and pay the paed yet another visit, afterall, one can’t be too careful with a micro.

The morning of the appointment our young lady decided she was drinking again, but we opted to go in to make doubly sure all was well and that her drinking issues were because of the two adorable teeth she has been cutting.  By now we’d also concluded that her cough was likely fake. Is that even a thing in a child under a year of age?!

So off to the paed we went. Mom had the stroller laced with a portable bottle of hand sanitizer, a bottle of hospital grade D-Germ, anti bacterial wipes in the nappy bag and another hand sanitzer in there, just in case.

C decided she was going to show off her latest skills to her favourite doc and so began the most delightfully amusing visit to a paed that there ever was.

As we set up shop in his room he had to take a call, so we sat at the large imposing doctors desk that they all seem to be given once they’ve earned their Phds, C sitting strong and proud on my lap.  C immediately spotted the forbidden items on the desk and started flinging herself from the security of my lap, towards the desk where all forms of innocent objects lay in wait of her attack.

Thinking it would be safe to place her on the desk, securely in mommies arms, was a poor decision on my part.  Allowing your unbelievably chewy, curious daughter closer to objects to alleviate her curiosity has the opposite effect.  It added fuel to her fire and determination and while the poor paed attempted to type on the laptop, she lunged forward and grabbed it, pulling the screen towards her and promptly started gnawing on the corner.  Once I extracted the screen ornament from the paeds laptop it proceded to eat the toy dinosaur, and when it tasted foul she turfed it onto the floor.  The paed at this point seemed to be torn between mildly annoyed and enthralled by this little wonder child in front of him and offered her up a toy ambulance.  She was not impressed by this gesture as after 3 licks she threw it onto the floor as well.  Keep in mind that this child is only 5.3kg in stature.

Eventually it came time to explain that we in all likelihood were there for a social visit as opposed to any real illness, but that it’s always safer to be certain with a micro.  I described her latest developments and growth, the drinking issues, the cute teeth that had appeared and the mysterious cough, which she decided to stop the second we walked into the paeds office.   She sat sweetly all the while smiling with her goofy grin at the paed and we started the examination.

It went something like this:

Charlotte gets a full examination to make sure her body is not showing signs of infection or illness,  she fights the tongue depressor and clamps down on it like a fat kid on a hotdog that is being pried out his mouth by mom, she doesn’t like any unsolicited objects in her mouth.  She ensures that checking her ears is a near impossibility by swaying her head from side to side, while smiling sweetly.  When it comes time to take her cute little outfit off to check her ribs for Ricketts and have her weighed, she ensures that she turns into a spider monkey with 6 arms and 10 legs, she makes the basic task of removing clothes unbelievably challenging (dad swears it is not humanly possible to dress her), all while smiling sweetly at her beloved paed.  When it comes time to check the diaper for signs of dehydration, she tries to pee on the paed. When asked if she is talking, she shouts loudly at her paed and laughs and when asked if she smiles after she coughs, well, she does so as if on cue, she offers up her cough and watches intently, delighted at the paeds involuntary response of laughter at what just happened. Yep, the cough is officially for show.

Next we need to weigh our spider monkey,  a near impossible task as she is adamant that lying still for a second is not a viable option, she will fling arms, kick legs and attempt to roll off the scale at a moments notice if you dare take your hand off her for even a split second.  To our great delight she gained unbeliavably well!

While I know that her paed is absolutely thrilled with her unbelievable attitude, resilience and miraculous development I’m sure that there was a fair amount of relief that the examination was over as this kid is slippery, small, nimble and lightning fast to try hold, keep a hand on and keep alive.

So, we spent an hour at the hospital and paed for a fake cough and mom didn’t even get a lollipop out of the deal.



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