‘Our baby will fit into our lives, not the other way around’
When I hear expectant parents making this bold statement now, I smile to myself and have a little giggle. It’s the words which every set of excited first time parents utter whilst still expecting. Oh how naïve they are. I could try and correct them, but of course they know better, they will take my advice with a pinch of salt, go home and discuss how they will be the perfect parents with the perfect child. I’ll consult with them a few months down the line and see just how well their tiny bundle of joy has adjusted to suit their existing schedules…… This is the cycle of life and one day, in the not too distant future, they will bask in the knowledge and the truth of parenting when someone they know is expecting and naively announces the same silly statement and they too shall remain silent and allow for nature to take its course.
It is truelly amazing how much a child changes your entire world. Small things such as being able to sip on a fresh hot cup of coffee, taking a shower without hearing your child crying (FYI, 99% of the time it is your imagination), brushing out the birds nest that is now in place of what was once your luscious locks or knowing what the ringtone on your phone is, as it’s always on silent and you keep losing it. You discover a love like no other when you hold that precious child in your arms and you won’t hesitate to take out your husband if his snoring consistently wakes her up from her peaceful sleep. You can easily go a few days without showering, without even thinking about it, until one morning you realise that the hobo down the road is probably cleaner than what you are, and yet you are riddled with guilt at having the audacity to desert your child for 10 minutes to scrub yourself with soap. You will remember that you’ve worn, and slept in, the same clothing for several days in a row. Shopping is never quick and easy from here on out, you will never ever again stay ahead of dirty laundry or house work. You will discuss your childs bowel movements, it’s texture, it’s smell, it’s frequency with fellow parentals and it won’t gross you out. You will be pee’d on, pooped on and vomited on, more than once. Your bundle of joy will cry for no reason, they will break your spirit and will to live if they really want to.
Your previous life was crumpled up like an unwanted till slip and tossed into the recycling bin. It will never be the same, and you’ll miss the old days, but the consolation prize is just so very much worth all the sacrifice. There will be days where you will feel like you cannot cope, where you feel you are not worthy of this precious bundle, where you want to run away. You will cry in the bathroom because you failed, you lost your temper, you needed a break and guiltily stole a few minutes to yourself and so she cried on own for 5 minutes and now you feel like the worse parent ever. There are days where nothing you do will console her, where you are 100% convinced that she hates you.
Charlotte has been no different in that regard, she just happened to offer up a few extra challenges along the way.
A year and week ago we saw and heard Charlotte for the first time. She was 12 weeks old and that image of her, seeing her little heart beating, listening to it, was one of the most precious moments of my life. 2 years before that, to the day, we were in the same consulting room, looking at the same monitors and the news had not been as joyous. As a result of our previous heartache I’d remained cautious and reserved up to that point, but I had to hold back tears at our first meet n greet. Love at first sight and I almost forgave her for all the morning sickness.
2016 was one hell of a year for us and so far 2017 has shown us grace and mercy, for which I am incredibly grateful for so far. Charlotte also seems to have hit a turning point in her drinking and is drinking good volumes, with vigour. She is meeting all of her developmental milestones to date and in spite of being a petite child, has the perfect bone and brain growth so far.
Today marks Charlottes 9 month on this earth. She is 40 weeks old, she’s been out of the womb for as long as what she should have been in there. I cannot imagine a world without her. She is my everything, there are times where I steal a glance at her and simply burst into tears at her beauty. Before she was even born she made her presence known and she fought to let us know that she had every intention of being around for quite some time still. She confirmed this by defying every single obstacle placed in front of her from the moment of birth. She even cheekily announced her arrival with a baby bird tweet after we had been told it was virtually impossible that she would be able to make any sound at birth. That it is our responsibility to protect her, nurture her, love her, prepare her for the world and help her reach her true potential, well, that’s just fucking terrifying to any parent I’m going to guess. This tiny precious life is in your hands.
Charlotte has well and truelly made damn sure that we would fit and adapt into her schedule. She rules the roost, whether we like to admit it or not. Do I have days where I miss my former freedom? Absolutely. But would I change it? Not for anything in the world.
Charlotte fits into our lives perfectly, she just took our diaries, burnt them and issued new ones that favoured all of her whims and desires. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Happy 9 months my sweet, beautiful wonder child. xxx